Monday, October 10, 2011

hard, slow, rough, sensual

You know that part in Alice in Wonderland when she eats the cookie or tart and grows massively huge then drinks some from the bottle and shrinks massively small?? Yeah that's a good way to explain my predicament. "Thank you Lewis Carroll"
I feel like I should add a warning or preface for what is about to ensue but I'm not going too.. I was told that I should be honest and if i cant be honest on a blog that is out there.. then who and when can i be honest, SO here it goes.

Today has been absolutely crazy delightful and ridiculously painful. (pain not physically but psychological and emotionally).. So remember how today is my first day being really locked up.. i mean for all intents and purposes its my second day but whatever. I didn't know what to expect.. Sex is a HUGE part of my life.. I masturbate at least 2x's a day.. that's the BARE MINIMUM.. and i am now locked up.. which is a different kind of pleasure.. I am so excited that when i am unlocked and when i do have that first unlocked orgasm that its going to actually mean something more than just me cumming.. I am hoping that who ever that orgasm is with..*hoping it will be WITH someone.. the fates are cruel*, that it means more.. I decided to start this because i wanted a connection.. well believe me after the second day.. i certainly got a connection alright.. I am not panicking.. mainly because i have a key that i could use at any time.. the reason is because my key holder lives a little further than what is comfortable for us right now, with this being my first lock up. I'm not tempted to use the key.. i actually blew my key holder away because i told him that i wanted/ was thinking about being locked up for 2 weeks.

So I'm really into this guy.. and naturally it made me pretty damn happy to hear that he got hard and was really excited and blown away that i wanted to be locked for longer than he was really planning. I'm a Leo i cant help it ill take gratification any way i can get it.. i need validation and acceptance.. without it i am nothing more than a sad kitten with really poofy hair. So am i willing to push my self being locked up.. for the guy.. hell yeah do i want to make him happy and hopefully get a "good job Leo" or some other form of validation.. hell yeah.. but its not so much about that.. today was a huge indicator of how hot and fun chastity is.. I recently registered on lockedm4m and it said at the top. "they say chastity is addicting" well FUCK NO ONE EVER TOLD ME HOW FAST THE DRUG WORKED.. hahhahha I wanna buy my own cages.. i think i found one that i think looks so damn sexxy that i really wanna try next but i dunno if i will be able to.. which is fine ill just go with what i can do. I am hooked.. its hot that i cant touch myself 2 or more times a day.. and its absolutely unbearable at the same time..
I watched a really hot porn of this black guy pounding the hell outta this white guys ass.. i was sooo hard.. and i couldn't do a damn thing about it.. not to mention if i wasn't locked my key holder gave me a simply command that i couldn't cum or touch myself without his permission. so i wouldn't have jacked off anyway but the point is.. that its hot that i cant because it makes me think about channeling that energy else where instead of wasting it on one 3 second climax..
needless to say today has also been draining as fuck.

I am still learning how to adjust so i don't hit my sensitive balls or rub them the wrong way or something because god knows they get UPSET.. so sometimes i walk funny at first till i can discreetly rearrange. There is something super hot about being locked up and I'm sure anyone reading this can think back to the flood of emotions you must have felt being locked for the first time.. I think for me.. I am most excited that I'm locked up by someone that i am genuinely interested in.. i got to see his cock via pic message unlocked.. it was a thing of beauty.. only added to my hot mess of frustration not being able to pleasure myself.. but then i was able to channel that energy.. and feel it thru my body.. wonder what it feels like it my mouth.. against my ass in my hands.. my whole body started to feel electric.. i was excited in ways that didn't focus on one particular part of my body alone. Don't get me wrong.. i was hard as a fucking rock but i wanted more than to simply cum because of this picture.. i wanted to savor my time with this beautiful man and his amazing dick.

I hope i am not alone.. I hope that others out there can relate on some level on any level really.. because today has been an emotional gauntlet of sorts.. I think i ran the gamma of being so extremely turned on.. that my balls hurt and i just wanted nothing more than to explode cumm.. my penis was perspiring.. i swear to god it was.. to SOOO extremely depleted and void of all energy it hurt soo much.. it hurt to look at the clock and all i had to do was move my eyes.. hhahaha it sounds kind silly to me that i am saying or typing this all out rather.. but whatever its my experience and that makes it all the more worth it.
Today's song is "The Story" by Brandi Carlile if you haven't heard i strongly recommend it because it sings my soul!

Sorry i feel i completely went off on a tangent.. but i guess this post is just a huge cluster fuck anyways.. I feel i should clarify somethings. I am locked up right now because i chose to dive the fuck in head first in the deep end.. and either sink or swim. Does it help that I'm really interested in the man who locked me up.. yes. if you can be interested in someone who wants to lock you up.. and you haven't tried it.. i would recommend it.. although i caution.. because you may loose your head.. cuz fuck sakes i have.. I wanted to tell the man.. i loved him today.. via texting.. and i don't know a faster way to freak a guy out that you have just met a few days ago.. than telling them you love them.. So i am chalking it up to just a whole lot of good hot sexual energy with some good ole fashioned twitterpation thrown in by the fates just to make it spicy.. I didn't text him those words.. I am okay with this decision because i think it would have turned into a ploy on my part to get unlocked.. I have a feeling that i have a few more days like today.. in store.. ultimately i really would LOVE to be locked for 2 weeks.. part of that is a pride thing.. to know that i went from not knowing a damn think about one of the hottest kinks i am now getting into.. to being locked for 2 weeks right out the gate.. Cocky bastard.. are the words that come to my mind.. but honestly i feel i deserve a little cockiness that is if i am able to do it.. I'm also into bondage and because of the order my key holder gave me that i mentioned earlier.. I'm not gonna touch my key.. and even if i wasn't locked.. i wouldn't touch myself.. or I would FUCKING TRY SOOO DAMN HARD NOT TO... and FIGURE THE FUCK OUT HOW TO BEG HIM TO LET ME JUST PLAY A LITTLE.. I already found out I'm not very good at begging but i can take orders.. I'm a quick learner.. I get a little mouthy.. but i think that's the Leo in me.. not willing to "TAKE IT LAYING DOWN" so to speak. hahaha but its soo hot to be bound both physically and mentally.. certainly a challenge as well ;)

I had no idea that this is what my day would unravel with in me.. I think i can relate to Alice a little better when she went thru her growing and shrinking things.. Certainly wanted to cry today.. why exactly I'm not sure i can tell you. But i can tell you that i am so turned on.. by being locked by this amazing man. I am super thrilled and turned on that he is willing to order me about even though my Leo pride can get flared.. i secretly think he likes it.. a little attitude to keep things fresh. I just don't want this all to end like it did for Alice at the end of her stay in wonderland.. The infamous house of cards comes crashing down all around her.
One day at a time.. that's what this is.. and so far its one sexy day at a time. I wanna be held in the worst way though.. i noticed that i have that want and hunger... my cock has been acting as a shield for how lonely Ive been and all i want is someone to call my own.. and to be cheesy as fuck too and with and that will just laugh with me and enjoy my corkyness

well if anyone follows me. good luck figure out all of this.. I know this is a long ass post.. but i had a long ass day full of a gama of emotion.. and since my cock is no longer playing shield and out let for these emotions.. looks like i will be letting the emotions come.. and dealing with them.. along with my crazy urges to touch my caged cock. I can touch it but i cant feel a damn thing.. I cant wait to get unlocked.. but i also cant wait to get locked back up.. I am already craving that commitment.. hahaha silly newbies.. :D


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